B-log

Fortune Magazine shares the best advice ever given to leaders of finance, entertainment, technology, and military.

There are many good and some not-so-good nuggets of counsel in the collection. Here’s a couple gems:

• “Always assume positive intent.” - Indra Nooyi (Pepsico CEO) This is biblical, by the way.
• “In order to do something well, you have to keep practicing and preparing.” - Eddie Lampert (Sears Holdings CEO) 
• “Don’t panic.” - Elon Musk (SPACEX CEO) This is biblical, too.
• “Don’t follow the pack.” - Eileen Collins (Space Shuttle Commander). Surprise! This, too, is biblical advice!

There used to be comments where people gave their own received nuggets o’ wisdom. But the comments section was shut down…so here’s another, from Freakonomics.  Their gleanings include:

• Don’t be an idiot. Best advice Michael ever gave me. Whenever I’m about to do something I think, “Would an idiot do that?” And if they would, I do not do that thing. (Dwight K. Shrute, Scranton, PA)
• Don’t hurt nobody who don’t need hurtin’ (K, Edison,NJ)
• Work like it depends on you, and pray like it depends on God! (T. Miller, Findlay, OH)

Katie Couric, likely on the good advice of someone else, compiled a book of good advice given to people.

As a pastor, I receive no shortage of advice. Some of it is great, some of it isn’t. Sometimes, I’m blessed enough to recognize good advice at the time it is delivered. Much of the time, though, I grasp the value only later, in retrospect. Be patient with me, I’m still growing.

While I hope I still have more to learn and more good advice to receive, here’s some precious gems I’ve learned so far:

• Be biblical. God cares about how you do things, not just why.
• You are never more like Christ than when you are being nailed to a cross by people you love.
• Forgive as you have been forgiven.
• Put Christ first. There’s a bigger gap between first and second and second and last.
• Love is a discipline. Be disciplined in love.
• Parenting is hard work. Wake up every day committed to doing your job as a dad
• Seek to understand before expect to be understood.
• Do not strive to be spectacular; strive to be faithful.
• God never obligates himself to bless anything you do from your own resources or initiative.
• You aren’t God. God is, though. Thank God!
• If you want to be happy, take your attention off yourself, put it upon God and serve others.
• If you are going to pray, don’t worry. If you’re going to worry, don’t pray.
• Love your wife every day in a way that shows you are thankful she’s given herself completely to a guy like you.
• Your kids are watching you. All the time. And they’re taking notes.
• Obey the Spirit promptly!
• People matter most.
• Grace changes everything.
• Grace is immeasurably more difficult than the law. That’s why most people settle for legalism. Choose grace instead. 

And to close, consider this:

• Do not like good advice so much that you frame it and hang it on a wall rather than putting it to good use.

What’s the best advice you’ve received?

and other selected bits of negatively-presented pseudo-wisdom…

• Never use the modifier “That’s the least you could do.” You will inevitably be proven to have overestimated the other person.
• Never put the bread crumbs canister next to the Crystal Light Peach Tea Canister. The two look surprisingly similar and if you mess that up even one time, you won’t be allowed to make the dinner drinks ever again.
• Never entrust a secret to a person under the age of five. Or just to be safe, over the age of five, either.
• Never be like that guy I used to work with who was a total gossip. I heard he stole office supplies, too.
• Never eat hot wings & jalepeno chips right before bedtime. Nothing good can come from that.
• Never promise your child, “This won’t hurt!” when it will. They remember those betrayals.
• Never tell your child, “This will hurt me more than it hurts you” when you punish them. They aren’t buying what you’re selling. Instead, I tell them, “this hurts me, too. But my pain is from the deep, psychological wound inflicted upon our relationship that can’t be healed by mere bandaids and topical salves.” It’s more emotionally honest.
• Never say “Stop! Hammer Time!” unless you really mean it and are prepared to deal with the consequences.
• Never give a six year old a pocket knife as a gift. You’ll just end up taking it back for a few years and doing a Google search for “Upholstery Repair.”
• Never give away apples or pretzels at Halloween unless you want all the neighborhood kids to loathe you.
• Never get a family pet without first preparing how to break the news that the pet has died. I grew up thinking that every family dog we ever had “ran away.” This caused me to question homeland security as well as my own living conditions.
• Never let an older brother “practice his wrestling moves.” It’s not as fun as it might seem at first.
• Never start a list that you did not first know how to bring to a close.
• Never umm…do something…that…err…you shouldn’t do…when…well..you could…do something differenter or betterly.

(from Bertie Kingore, conference notes)

• poses unforeseen questions
• is curious
• is selectively mentally engaged
• generates complex, abstract ideas
• knows without working hard
• ponders with depth and multiple perspectives
• is beyond the group
• exhibits feelings and opinons from multiple perspectives
• already knows
• Needs 1 to 3 repetitions to master
• comprehends in-depth, complex ideas
• Prefers the company of intellectual peers
• creates complex, abstract humor
• infers and connects concepts
• initiates projects and extensions of assignments
• is intense
• is original and continually developing
• enjoys self-directed learning
• manipulates information
• is an expert, abstracts beyond the field
• guesses and infers well
• anticipates and relates observations
• is self-critical
• may not be motivated by grades
• is intellectual

by Bertie Kingore (from a conference handout)

1. Appreciate gifted learners as children. Just as all children do, they need love, friendship, reasonable standards of behavior, responsibility, time management skills, free time, and creative pursuits. They need your involvement in their development of independence. Appreciate them for who they are rather than who they may become.
2. Interact with families of gifted children. Gifted children seek interest-mates and intellectual peers as well as age peers. You may also find solace interacting with another parent who lives with and loves a gifted child.
3. Recognize how the personal and instructional needs of a gifted child differ from others. Gifted students require intellectual peers who understand more abstract ideas and get their jokes. They learn best when instruction is at a pace and level that respond to their accelerated readiness to learn.
4. Understand the developmental crises for gifted students. Linda Silverman cautions that gifted students experience uneven development, underachievement often related to a lack of curriculum challenge, conflict between achievement and popularity, and difficulty selecting a career due to multipotentiality.
5. Assure your child that being different is okay. Gifted children can feel disconnected from age peers who interpret so differently. HElp them appreciate individual differences in others and themselves. Provide a place where it is safe for children to be themselves.
6. Be an encourager. A parent uniquely understands the whole child as you view your child in multiple scenarios over an extended period of time. As an encourager, validate your child’s worth and goals as you encourage passions for learning. 
7. Emphasize what is learned is more important than any grade. Interact enthusiastically as your child shares school work with you. Rather than focus upon the grade, use prompts that facilitate communication about what was learned, what subject and topic interests and passions were uncovered, and real-life applications.
8. Be an active listener and elicit children’s perceptions. Strive to understand their messages and feelings rather than to too quickly repsond to their words. Insure that children know you respect them and are genuinely interested in their information. Power struggles can be deferred with a request for their view instead of a barrage of your answers. 
9. Follow their interests and leads in learning situations rather than pressure them with your agenda. Our goals may not be their goals. Consult them on issues affecting them whenever you believe they understand the consequences.
10. Talk up to them. Advanced vocabularies lead to higher comprehension and achievement.
11. Enjoy music, plays, museums, art, sports, and historical places together and discuss the experience. These shared cultural experiences give family members warm memories to talk about over the years.
12. Model life-long learning habits. Talk about current events and volunteer with your child to help others. Our actions may model more than our words.
13. Facilitate real-life reading, writing, science, and math experiences. Get library cards and go to the library together. Enjoy browsing. Help children find good books and materials in the areas in which they express interest. Start at an early age to shop together with a list and a budget, write thank you notes and invitations, and plan the area and plants for a garden.
14. Give books and learning games as presents, and then spend time together reading and playing those games. Research supports that reading and playing card and board games increase vocabulary, math skills, comprehension, and critical thinking skills.
15. Recognize that gifted children need to question and respond critically. They sometimes are impatient with conventions, such as spelling, grammar, rules, and even patience for others. Talk frankly about the importance of conventions without stifling their creativity and spirit.
16. Maintain a sense of humor. As a parent every day you choose whether to laugh or cry.
17. Support school efforts to differentiate and provide services for advanced and gifted children. Consider attending school in-service programs on differentiation and the needs of gifted children.
18. As appropriate, supply home perspectives and feedback on your child’s well-being, responses to learning, and interests. No matter what our occupations, your children are your greatest work.
19. Be an advocate more than an advisory. Stand with your children, and when necessary, before them. There will be a time when you transition to an advisory role, but don’t leap to do it prematurely.
20. (note: from Bryan) Go to God for wisdom, humility, discernment, trust, and faith in nurturing your gifted child. Remember that parent is a verb, not just a noun.

Cleaning out the archives, and I read this…and since October is Pastor/Minister appreciation month and since we were at Chuck Swindoll’s church today (see #4), I decided to repost it here.

From Pat Morley: • 25 Ways To Connect With Your Pastor

1. Don’t ask him to lunch to tell him how much you love and appreciate him (just tell him or, better, send him a hand written note. Respect time as his most limited resource). 
2. Don’t offer constructive criticism until you have earned the right (ten praises before you even come close to qualifying for one constructive comment). 
3. Don’t criticize your pastor behind his back. If you like what’s going on, tell your friends. If you don’t like what’s going on, tell him (but refer to previous “don’t”).
4. Don’t expect him to be Chuck Swindoll.
5. Don’t put pressure on him to put resources into your program. Instead, just start discipling men and, as your ministry grows, tell or send your pastor success stories. Results first, then support follows in its proper order. 
6. Don’t be angry with him for only being human. 
7. Don’t put pressure on him that will strain his health, marriage, children, or finances. 
8. Think of something very specific he does well (e.g., what he says when baptizing), and write him a note telling him what a good job he is doing in that area.
9. Invite your neighbors to church and introduce them to your pastor after the service.
10. Tell your pastor you are praying for him (and then do it). If you are close enough to him, ask him if he has any specific prayer requests. 
11. Always speak well of your pastor (little birds inevitably chirp when you say bad things). 
12. Always defend your pastor (principle: “I stick up for my friends”). 
13. Ask your pastor what his goals are and how you can help him. 
14. Volunteer to serve in the church. 
15. Babysit for your pastor so he and his wife can go out on a date. 
16. Find out his favorite restaurant and give him a gift certificate for he and his wife to go out alone. 
17. Volunteer to start a small group to disciple some of the men in the church (or just do it). 
18. Ask his opinion about what discipleship materials you should use.
19. Make sure he receives a good salary and has a funded retirement plan. 
20. Be a balanced and Godly man, husband, and father yourself (a blessing rather that a burden to your pastor). 
21. Tithe. 
22. Be in a small group.
23. Pray with your own wife (this will reduce your pastor’s counseling load). 
24. Read your Bible every day (Fill up with the Word of God and it can’t help but overflow in ways visible to others but probably not to you). 
25. Take your children to Sunday school (Godly children are a blessing in any church). 

 • • If you want to connect with your pastor, the overarching idea is don’t put demands on him. Instead, help him accomplish his mission. In that way, you will be part of his ministry instead of the object of his ministry.

Everyone gets angry.

It is completely unacceptable to simply say, “Well, that’s how I am — that’s how God made me.” At best, it’s wrong. At worst, it’s a bald lie. Accepting or even embracing your weakness is nothing less than accepting defeat.  It ends up sowing seeds of discord and animosity amongst people who should be in unity. Anger is destructive. It destroys all parties.

It is one thing to ask “What makes you angry?” But another thing altogether to ask, “Why are you angry?” The “what” is an endless list that certainly includes getting your pizza delivered with the toppings stuck to the box, political debates, and telemarketers. Beneath this long list, is another about the “why” and it is far more important to address.

This “why” list is broad tent under which most other reasons can find shade:

1. I’ve been wronged.
2. I’ve been offended.
3. I’ve been inconvenienced.

If any one of these is the “why,” then reason demands that there is a wrong-doer, a offender, a inconvenience-er who needs to be held in account for making you feel this way. You see, the person who is angry is self-perceived to be the victim. He is self-justified. And the victim becomes an offender.

The “victim” is explodes at his “offender” in judgment or implodes inward in an indirect attempt to penalize the other. In either scenario, the result is almost always detrimental, the carnage afterward is usually worse than the original situation, and the original situation is never any closer to being remedied.

The route to avoiding anger is not found in anger management techniques. That’s why they are called what they are. They manage anger that’s already there…and they are useful for that purpose. A better solution is to develop strategies to avoid anger altogether, so as to minimize those circumstances when anger management becomes necessary. With that in mind, here’s a few ideas to help avoid anger:

1. Keep Perspective. Most offenses are unintentional, so treat them as such. Accidents happen, and a lot of them have happened at your own hand. And when offenses are intentional, realize that someone has always suffered more. Followers of Jesus should remember that He went to the cross and died for your offenses against Him (and every offense is ultimately an offense against Him), even though He full well knew that you would continue to offend him — deliberately — even after you received the gift of His presence. If his mindset and his actions were to simply accept your offense and bear the burden for it, how can yours be any different?
2. Appeal to a Higher Court. Anger is the verdict of judgment pronounced by a merciless judge. It is simply not your job to play that role. The problem is, you will often make your decision with too little of perspective, too few of the details, and two insignificant of an understanding. So your judgment is flawed, your punishment is unjust and ineffective, and your victim (yourself) ends up bearing the burden more often than the offender. If you have been wronged, your job is to release judgment to God, and trust that He will make the proper judgment against the offense.
3. Forgive. Forgiveness is a supernatural action, requiring overcoming the will and the flesh’s demand for account. Not only are you releasing judgment to the higher court, but you are actively absolving the offender of the action. There is a lot to risk in forgiving — a lack of repentance, an acceptance of the potential for being perceived as weak and/or gullible, and the very palpable risk of a repeat offense. Even so, the risks of not forgiving are much greater and far more assured.
4. Deal in Short Accounts. Partake in actions 1-3 on an regular basis, as often as necessary. I once had a guy try to tell me that as long as he dealt with his anger before he died, he was being biblical. The Bible says “don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” This means deal with it on a daily basis, not on an annual one (or longer). When anger goes unresolved, it festers. And just like any other festering absess, the infection causes pus that stinks, a wound that is tender and sore, and will likely leave a nasty scar. The longer it goes unchecked, the more damage it does and the more it immobilizes the wounded person. Take others have offended you, go to them quickly in humility to keep your account short. One important note — the only way to do that is to keep your own account of offenses against God equally short. This axiom reveals the direct relationship with your ability to keep short accounts with others.

These are a few of my almost favorite things …

2nd FAVORITE MOVIE: Inception
2nd FAVORITE BOOK: A River Runs Through It by Norman Geisler
2nd FAVORITE ALBUM: Foreigner Records
2nd FAVORITE SCHOOL TEACHER: Mrs. Susan Whinery
2nd FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR: Triple Chocolate 
2nd FAVORITE BASEBALL TEAM: Texas Rangers
2nd FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM: Dallas Cowboys
2nd FAVORITE VACATION DESTINATION: Moab - or wherever my brother is.
2nd FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTER: Homer Simpson 
2nd FAVORITE WAY TO RELAX: write 
2nd FAVORITE MOVIE SEQUEL: Toy Story 2
2nd FAVORITE MOVIE REMAKE: Oceans 11
2nd FAVORITE TELEVISION DRAMA (CURRENT): Sons of Anarchy
2nd FAVORITE TELEVISION DRAMA (EVER): Mad Men 
2nd FAVORITE TELEVISION COMEDY (CURRENT): Community
2nd FAVORITE TELEVISION COMEDY (EVER): Seinfeld
2nd FAVORITE 2nd BASEMAN: Ian Kinsler
2nd FAVORITE SECONDARY PLAYER: Louis Wright, Denver Broncos
2nd FAVORITE 2nd BIBLE BOOK: 2 Timothy
2nd FAVORITE RESTAURANT: Abuelos
2nd FAVORITE MAGAZINE: ESPN
2nd FAVORITE COMIC BOOK CHARACTER: Batman
2nd FAVORITE REALITY SHOW: The Mole
2nd FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING: Cashews
2nd FAVORITE COLOR: Forest Green

What are your second thoughts?

(This is an  updated post from the old blog)

A while back, I read a list about how to deal with anger. It said:

11 things to STOP doing when you get angryIf you avoid these behaviors you’ll go a long way toward resolving your anger without hurting other people or yourself:

1. Stop speaking. Silence is the number one behavior to practice when you’re mad. It shows you’re in control of your anger. 
2. Stop staying. If your anger goes over 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, leave the situation until you or the other person is back in control. 
3. Stop staring. Staring at another person inflames your anger. Look at the floor, the ceiling, or anywhere else. 
4. Stop interrupting. This is directly connected to staying silent. 
5. Stop threatening. 
6. Stop yelling. 
7. Stop pointing. 
8. Stop sarcasm and stop mocking. These behaviors can be hurtful and humiliating. 
9. Stop throwing things. 
10. Stop sighing. Non-verbal ways of expressing anger include sighing, chuckling, or rolling your eyes, and can also hurt or humiliate another person. 
11. Stop criticizing. It’s not your role to point out what others are doing wrong. 

Source: Anger Busting 101, by Newton Hightower, Bayou Publishing

This is a good list with helpful hints of dealing with symptoms to a deeper problem. However, just like aspirin only deals with the symptom and not the problem, these 11 helps may not do anything to remedy the real malady, which is the anger itself. And face it, if you have to be told to stop threatening, yelling, or throwing things, you probably have an anger management problem.

In everyday life, most people express their anger in a passive/aggressive manner that is noted among some of the symptoms above — sighing, sarcasm, criticism, and mocking (as an aside, the typewritten *sigh* is one of the most annoying little habits on the Web). Rare are the people who express their anger in Sopranos-like fashion — violent, volcanic eruptions of boiling hateful emotion that devastate and lay desolate the relationships and feelings of everyone within the vicinity of the explosion. Those people are rare, but they do exist.

Instead, most people’s anger turns inward. And anger turned inward results in any one of a variety of gut-chewing, misery-inducing, joy-consuming, peace-destroying manifestations, such as depression, bitterness, envy, self-loathing or resentment. Anger inevitably steals not just joy, but in too many cases, the very life of a person.

In the next post, addressing the root issues of anger.

(from printed archives, unattributed)

Having a good reputation is an indispensable factor in succeeding at work. People trust top performers, and no one likes to do business with someone they don’t respect. The Bible says, “A good name is more desirable than great riches.” In other words, your self worth is more important than your net worth.

The common mistake most people make is thinking that reputation is a matter of “image.” So they worry themselves with questions like, “How do I look?” or “Did I say the right thing?” To build a long-term good reputation, you must focus on your character, not your image. Respect must be earned. The book of Proverbs in the Bible identifies seven character qualities found in people who are respected by others.

1. Respect is earned through common sense. Knowing and doing right, and common sense will fill you with living energy (Pr. 3:21). Men with common sense are admired as counselors.
2. Respect is earned through integrity. Respected people do not tell lies (17:7). The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out (10:9).
3. Respect is earned through humility. Arrogance will bring your downfall, but if you are humble, you will be respected (29:23). Anyone who listens to correction is respected (13:18).
4. Respect is earned through dependability. Like clouds and winds without rain is a man who boasts without gifts he does not give (25:15) He who keeps an oath even when it hurts will never be shaken (Ps. 15:4-5)
5. Respect is earned through having priorities. If your goals are good, you will be respected (11:27). You will earn the trust and respect of others if you work for good (14:22)
6. Respect is earned through generosity. He who gives generously to the needy and shows kindness will be powerful and respected (Ps. 112:9).
7. Respect is earned by putting God first in your life. If you want favor both with God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success (3:4-6).

From the archives:

P - Predictors - They help mold our future.
R - Reminders - We are not self-sufficient. We need God and others for help.
O - Opportunities - They pull us out of a rut and cause us to think creatively.
B - Blessings - They open up doors we normally do not go through.
L - Lessons - Each new challenge will be a teacher.
E - Everywhere - No person or place is excluded from them.
M - Messages - They warn us of a potential disaster.
S - Solvable - No problem is without a solution.

(Credit: John Maxwell, The Winning Attitude)