B-log

Here’s the manuscript for the message I shared at the memorial of my dear friend, Chris LeFevre. Please be sure to read the postscript at the end.

***

As with many of you, I am proud to say that Chris was my friend. I met Chris when, in the 4^th grade, my family moved, which caused me to switch schools from East Elementary to Sunset Elementary. Somehow, I linked up with Troy & Chris. Their epic foot race to determine the fastest kid at Sunset Elementary had already been run, and they had formed a friendship alliance that never wavered. In a lot of ways, I could have been the “third wheel,” but to their credit, they welcomed me in and we all became close friends.

My early memories of Chris include him always having the newest, coolest video games but always being willing to let us play. We’d pile up in his bedroom, loading up his waterbed and taking turns playing games. Gramma (Dorothy) was worried we were going to make that bed burst, but Chris always made sure we emptied our pockets of pencils, forks, sticks, knives, or anything sharp.

In Middle school, his lunches always included Pringles and Beef Jerky. Somehow, this exotic cuisine made him the envy of everyone. Chris shrewdly negotiated for the best food in the lunchroom using these precious commodities.

Chris was always one of the fastest kids in the class, but I remember that Chris hurt his knees and had to have surgery. And rather than it sidelining him, after his surgeries, he’d hobble out to the football fields in his leg brace and crutches and play defensive line, batting down the passes of the other team during our lunchtime games.

As we got older, the memories are ironically a little more vague but a lot more precious. Too many weekends to count, we all were together…Bevr with Meaty, Rusty, Brad, Rollie, Fred, and myself. We always knew how to find a good time…out at Shad’s house, Amy’s property, sometimes it was a hotel room, or some stranger’s residence, sometimes out on the rocks behind my house. I now understand that it wasn’t the location…it was the company. And those times, no matter where we were, they were always filled with laughter. Simply put, those days were carefree and perfect.

The years passed and we grew up. And as we all know, growing up means that days are no longer carefree, and once they are no longer carefree, they are rarely perfect. Despite it all his own difficulties and trials, Chris remained a loving husband, a dedicated father, a professional worker, and a good friend. And in this moment, it has encouraged my heart to know that throughout his life, Chris retained those incredible characteristics that caused everyone to quickly become his friend and want to spend time with him. All of us were better…richer…blessed for having Chris in our lives.

It has been said that memorials such as this are for the living. And we know that to be true even as we gather today to reconcile our own emotions and grief. We have come together to look back and reflect on the beautiful life of Chris…who was a husband, a dad, a son, a grandson, a nephew, an uncle, a co-worker, and a friend. But we also look forward looking for hope as we try to figure out what life is supposed to look like with this sudden void, this unexpected hole in our lives that is here because of Chris’s death.

This time is bittersweet because with his passing, every one of us is confronted with our own mortality. And in the perspective of the reality of our mortality, we come face to face with what we believe about life and death. We all come to our beliefs differently. Some of us form our beliefs internally…we build opinions about certain matters that we hold dear,opinions that are shaped by our own experiences, perceptions, or dispositions. Other of us have beliefs that are shaped by external sources - outside factors that influence or even change our opinions because they offer objective considerations that we hadn’t previously taken in to account. 

In a crowd like this, we likely have many different beliefs and I won’t presume that you necessarily believe what I believe. And that’s okay. What I want to share with you briefly from an external source that has not changed in its history. This source is the Bible, and this resource makes the audacious claim that it accurately declares what God wants you to know about himself. In sharing this with you, I am praying that you will have fresh hope about God’s love for Chris, and just as importantly, God’s love for you.

I want you to know is that God is very concerned that you believe the right things…about him, about yourself, and about his love for you.  There is a book of the Bible called “John” that was written specifically for this purpose. In fact, in Chapter 20, verse 31, which is at the end of the book, John writes, “but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.”

God wants you to believe the right things about Jesus, and that by doing so…you may have life in his name.

That’s a pretty huge thing…this “life in his name,” that you can really only appreciate if you know what John’s talking about. Thankfully, he explains it at the beginning of the book that he wrote. And that’s the second thing I want to share with you…God wants you to believe in Jesus as the source of true, everlasting life.

Here’s what the Scripture says in the very first chapter of John, in verse 12: “But to all who did receive Jesus, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

To recap: God wants you to believe in Jesus so that you can have life, and also, that in doing so, you can relate to God as his much beloved child.

There’s a lot of confusion about Jesus today, and I don’t want to presume that you know the real deal. He’s misrepresented a lot. So I want you to know that Jesus was never confused about himself, no matter what you have heard. Here’s just a little of what he said about himself…these are all recorded from the book of John:

• Whoever believes in the son has eternal life. (3:36)
• Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. (5:24) 
• Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (11:24-25) 
• I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. (12:46) 
• “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. (14:1) 

Do you see that God wants you to “get this?” He wants you to understand. He wants you to believe, so that you may live.  In fact, he summarizes it in John 3:16, which may be the most popular verse in all the Bible:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 

You see…it’s not about church.  It’s not about money. It’s not even about religion. It’s not about doing enough “good things,” or staying away from enough “bad things.” From God’s perspective, it’s all about believing the right things about Jesus, in terms of trusting in God and depending on God and staking your life on God because he loves you and he wants you to live as his child…because he loves you.

 Friends, this is the best message of hope that I have because it is the greatest message of hope available. God loves you. He wants you to believe in him and his love for you shown through Jesus.

 Chris and I never had a conversation about belief. My hope is that Chris had this beautiful belief in God. And I can tell you with great certainty that if Chris could speak one word to you right now, that word would be “Believe!” I am certain that Chris would not want you to leave here today without this matter settled in your spirit. I’m convinced because of what I know about God and what I know about Chris that he would not want you to leave here today in either doubt or unbelief. Because Chris loves you and because God loves you, the most hopeful, hope-filled thing you could do is to believe in Jesus.

We all came in here at different points but we are at a common crossroad…a decision point about whether or not to believe. For some of you, you already believe this, and I’ve affirmed what you already believed. For others, this is new…perhaps completely contradictory to what you’ve believed until now. Some of you will resist or reject this message of hope and hold on to what you currently believe. I understand that and I respect that. Others of you, though, have heard this message of hope and have a change of mind about what you believe. I encourage you to believe your new beliefs and doubt your old doubts, rather than doubting your beliefs and believing your doubts. Believe that God loves you. Hold on to that belief with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, all your strength.

 From this common crossroad, we will move forward in our own directions. We will hold Chris in our thoughts and warmly regard him in our hearts. We will cherish our beautiful perfect moments…the camping and fishing trips, the campfire laughter, his generous spirit and easy, contagious grin. While we all wish we could pause at a perfect moment and remain there, time marches ever forward, and we move forward with it, hopefully with fresh hope and new believe in the overwhelming love of God.

My prayer for each of you is that you will remember Chris at his best, that you will be quick and gracious to forgive him wherever forgiveness is needed, that you will take the time to thank God for the time you were blessed to spend with Chris, and that you will embrace the belief that God loves you with a deep, wide, vast, immeasurable eternal love and is calling out to you even today to live in that love and believe.

***

On Sunday after the memorial, I received an email from Chris’s aunt. She wrote:

I wanted to fill you in too that I didn’t have a “spiritual’ conversation with Chris per se, but when he was in South Fork, when things were really falling apart with Jenny, I talked to him on the phone and encouraged him to get in touch with someone at a church who could minister to him & listen, & give him HOPE. He followed through and a couple guys came over. He later told me, he accepted Christ and within the same week or so got baptized. He did in fact believe and was saved.

God is great in his love, grace and mercy. His saving grace was sufficient the exact moment that Chris first believed. God’s mercy is greater that Chris’s worst decision and lowest point. Nothing can separate Chris from God’s love…not the events of December 17, nor nothing forevermore. Because of God’s awesome love, Chris is alive now and forever in the presence of God, through his simple faith in Jesus as Lord.

A few years ago, I was invited to write a sample for a book idea. The idea (as presented to me) was to address some of the challenging issues of the Christian faith, using the creative premise that the book was a transcript of an moderator’s interview with God (or other biblical personalities). Ultimately, the novelty wasn’t effective and the idea never moved forward. I think there was a discovery soon after of a similarly-premised book released earlier, and filled with heresy.

What follows is my sample, written on the topic of the Trinity. Please excuse any conceit in attempting to ghost write for God. I hope you find this helpful in trying to wrap your arms (and heart and brain) about the triune nature of God.

***

[Moderator] Approximately 1,600 years ago, a priest named Arius suggested that God had created Jesus before anyone or anything else, and that Jesus was not quite human, but not quite God. In 325 c.e., this problematic teaching prompted an official response from the early leaders of Christianity. They refuted Arius’ teaching and decreed that Jesus was begotten but not made from the Father, and that the two are the same in their essence.  With this declaration, the doctrine of the Trinity was born.

To this day, many people struggle to understand the Trinity. Despite the fact that the Bible never actually uses the word “trinity,” this is the term most often used to present the three-faceted aspect of God’s nature. The Bible clearly speaks about God the Father. Jesus is clearly presented as God’s son. And the Holy Spirit is identified as God who came after Jesus ascended to heaven. Three distinct personalities. Yet, the Bible says that God is one and Christianity teaches that Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit are one. It stands to reason that if people can understand the Trinity, they will understand God better. So help us wrap our minds around this difficult concept.

[God] Well, you have already mentioned the first, most important principle to embrace when trying to understand the Trinity.  That is, I am one.[1] This means that I am the only God. There are not three different Gods, or a hundred gods, or a million. Just me. I alone am God. When I say I am one, I’m also letting you know that I am completely in unity with myself. I never doubt myself. I never disagree with myself, and I am never divided against myself. So as you try to understand who I am, it would be wrong to think of me as a council of three debating, deliberating, and even occasionally disagreeing Gods.

It has always been important to me for all people to understand that the three aspects of my single nature are eternal.  This is why I revealed that God[2], Jesus,[3] and Holy Spirit[4] are present at and receive credit for all of creation.  When I created the first human, I said something that gives a hint to my triune nature.  I said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness.”[5] Notice that I did not say, “I’m going to make man in my image.” This would deny my full nature as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Likewise, I also did not say, “Let us make man in our images, in our likenesses.” This would have suggested that we are three separate Gods.

[Moderator] So you are three in personalities, by you are one in essence.

[God] That’s right.

[Moderator] That seems extraordinarily complicated. Why was it necessary for you to reveal these three aspects of your nature as distinct personalities?

[God] The key word to your question is “necessary.” The truth is, it is entirely necessary to reveal myself as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit because that is the fullness of who I am in relation to humans. Let me explain to make it more clear.

Because I am one, you need to understand at a basic level that I don’t change. I am always the same.[6] So, as you understand me as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, it would be wrong to think that first I was the Father, then I was the Son, and now I am the Holy Spirit.

While I am one in my essential divine being, I am understandable and relatable to you in three distinct expressions, or revelations of myself. I have revealed myself to you as Father, as the Son (Jesus), and as the Holy Spirit. Throughout the time of creation, the Patriarchs and the prophets, I revealed myself to you primarily as the Father, so you would could relate to me as your God and the God of your ancestors.[7] The entire time I did this, I pointed to when I would enter into human history as the Son.

[Jesus] Then, at the appointed time, I left my throne in heaven and came to the earth to reveal myself as the Savior for humanity. I related to you as the Son, so you would understand that God is not only the God of your forefathers, but also your Father in heaven.[8] As the Son, I demonstrate the full extent of my love for you. As the Son, I am the Messiah that the Father promised. I was crucified, buried, and rose again just as promised.[9] I paid the ultimate price so you could be shown the only way back to your heavenly Father.[10] Even while I did this, though, I promised that the Father would send the Holy Spirit in my name, and he would arrive after I ascended back to the Father.[11]

[Holy Spirit] Which I did, as promised.[12] And I am revealed to you in this way so you know that I have come to live within you.[13] You need to know that I love you so much that I’m not satisfied with just saving you. I also will guide you,[14] correct you,[15] protect you,[16] and bless you.[17] And I will do this until you go to heaven where you will experience me fully as Father, Son, and Spirit.

[Moderator] Does that mean in heaven, you all are there?

[God] I am there. It is my home.[18]

[Jesus] I am there. I am at the Father’s side.[19]

[Holy Spirit] I am there. My presence fills the fullness of heaven.[20]

[Moderator] You three bear witness in heaven that…

[Holy Spirit] I…

[Jesus] Am…

[God] One.[21]

[1] Deuteronomy 6:4 nasb

[2] Genesis 1:1 nkjv

[3] John 1:1-3 msg

[4] Genesis 1:2 nlt

[5] Genesis 1:26 niv

[6] James 1:17 cev

[7] Genesis 32:9 hcsb

[8] Matthew 6:9 niv

[9] 1 Corinthians 15:3-4 msg

[10] John 14:6 nkjv

[11] John 14:26 cev

[12] Acts 2:1-4 nasb

[13] 1 Corinthians 3:16 msg

[14] John 16:13 nkjv

[15] Hebrews 12:5 cev

[16] Ephesians 1:13 esv

[17] Isaiah 44:3 nkjv

[18] Revelation 21:3 esv

[19] Acts 7:56 msg

[20] Revelation 4:2 hcsb

[21] 1  John 5:7-8 niv

Read parts 1,2,3,4

This season of my life began in April 2010 with the unexpected, painful news that I was being laid off from my church after five years of fruitful service where we had seen God grow the church numerically and spiritually. I was blindsided by the separation. I thought I was insulated from the possibility of termination because of the biblical mandates related to my responsibilities, but that obviously wasn’t the case.

These last words on what has brought me here is my attempt to share some insights that will be helpful and hope-filled for those of you travelling down your own river of discontent, whether it be job loss-related or any other trouble of adversity.

My discoveries and take-forwards, in no particular order:

• God loves me, even in my unlovable moments. It was a tough, tough experience to have the church and ministry taken from me. It caused me to do all kinds of introspection and reflection, evaluation and examination. It was painful to feel affirmed in my call as a minister, but to have no ministry. I had to battle bitterness continually as I became increasingly aware of churches that tolerated being shepherded by pastors who have settled for mediocrity. I had to fight against anger every time I read a headline about another pastor who had admitted to immorality or criminality…and their church endorsed that bad behavior even at the cost of its own integrity.
  
  Upon getting my “walking papers,” we immediately began visiting several other churches. We went to bigger and smaller churches, familiar and unfamiliar churches and churches where there were ministry possibilities. We “settled in” in two different churches in Flower Mound. We didn’t “find a home,” because we always felt like God was moving us (which made the season feel continually unstable, like we didn’t want to plant roots that would have to immediately be torn out in a relocation). The two churches were similar while being starkly different. They were both good, healthy churches. And because of that, I could see myself there…wanting it, presuming that God had executed my separation from my previous church to move me into either one of these new opportunities.
  
  Neither of those opportunities came to pass. I was the runner up for one and never considered for the other. And I confess, I was mad at those churches for choosing someone else. In a lot of other rejections, I was totally okay with it because I didn’t know much about the opportunity…but in these two places…I had wanted to be there. God’s Spirit was there, and it just hurt to know that I wouldn’t get to be a part of what he was doing there.
  
  At some point along the way, God showed me that I was so consumed by my experiences that I was was looking at everything going on around me, but I had taken my eyes off of him. He graciously smacked me upside the head and showed me that I was being petty, selfish, and immature for being angry at the men God had placed in the positions that I had wanted. God showed me that in the end, I was really angry at him. God was patient with me. He dealt with me and overcame my anger with his love.
  
  Once I quit wallowing in what I didn’t have, I was freed to be grateful for all the ways that God had continued to bless me. In shifting my focus off of my self and back to him, I was able to move forward. We stayed at one of the churches that had “passed on me,” and I came to treasure what God had to offer through their new pastor. I was nourished again by the the worship and teaching. I was able to release my pain, my hurt, and my doubts and again rest in his assurances and promises and blessings. God had never left me. He had never forsaken me. He had led me into this season, was guiding me through it, and provided for me throughout.
  
  
• Pruning is painful. My life verse has been John 15:5. For all the years of following Christ, I’ve understood my faith life in the terms of God as “vine dresser,” Jesus as “the vine,” and myself as “the branch.” And for all my years as a minister, I’ve experienced increasingly abundant results as I’ve I’ve abided in Christ. And over the years, I’ve been pruned a little here, and shaped a little there…to positive results.

In April 2010, I was really “cut back.” God saw fit as he assessed my life to cut away the thick, leafy foliage that was my ministry and leave me with only the most essential aspects of my life: my faith, my bride, my children, and a retirement account that would provide our livelihood for the foreseeable time ahead. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but God was undertaking an action that he determined was necessary for my long-term health and growth. I said early on in my time at my previous church that I could stay there until the Lord called me home. I was saying that as a statement of satisfaction, but now I’m convinced that God knew better that it was a confession of complacency. If I had remained there, my dependence upon him may have lessened as my influence increased. My need for him may have waned as time went on. My desperation for him may have slackened as I grew comfortable with success that might have been pleasing to the congregation but not anywhere near what God could do with me otherwise.

So he pruned me. And it hurt. Badly. When pruning happens, it can look a lot like discipline…especially from the perspective of onlookers. What I’ve learned that while being pruned is painful, it is not an act of cruelty. It is humbling, but not humiliating. It left me figuratively naked, but covered by God. It left me tender, which made me sensitive to the hurts of others. It has left scars that you cannot see, which remind me of the loving work of God in my life. Pruning hurt, but I am incredibly thankful for it. I continue to abide, looking forward to the new yield Christ will produce through me.


• Nothing is mine. I’m writing this final entry about these events and what God has shown me through it all from the air-conditioned environs of my new office in my new church in my new ministry in my new city in my new state….in my new opportunity. But I know they’re not mine. These new things are no more mine than the previous things were mine. I was given oversight responsibility over things and people for five years in Texas. As I strove to be faithful, God gave me oversight over more things and people. Proving it was never mine to begin with, after five years of building up and adding to…it was all taken away in one afternoon’s meeting. 
  
  At the beginning of the lay-off, we knew that the church was providing a severance, and that we had retirement.We boldly said, “we’ll spend all our retirement if we have to,” never thinking that we’d have to. But as the months wore on, we saw that God tested us in this. Would we be willing to spend everything to wait for his best? When the financial end was in sight and it didn’t match up with the end of our season, our faith was tested. Would we still trust in him? 

We chose to walk by faith, and not by what we could see. And God proved himself. He showed us that he doesn’t work by what we can see, or understand, or figure out, or manipulate. He is not bound by the things that bind us, nor is he limited by the things that limit us. Our “dollars and cents” issues are not resolved, but we have his provision. We have new hope, new resources, and new opportunities…all of which he brought to bear at his time in his way that does not allow us to take credit for it or rob acclaim from him.

I better understand that nothing is mine. I’m blessed to be occupying this office in his church for a time. I hope it is a long time, with increasing responsibilities and opportunities. I get to serve with and lead his people in his work to experience the results that he established before time existed to happen at this time in history.

• While life is a matter of exchanging one set of unknowns for another, what matters is what you get resolved on this side of eternity. Being unemployed was scary. We didn’t know what the future would hold. We didn’t know where we were going or what we’d be doing. We had a long lists of sentences that ended in question marks, and not many that ended with a period or an exclamation mark.
  
  Once we learned that our season of waiting was ending, putting periods and exclamation marks to our questions, we found out that we had a whole new set of questions to replace the ones that had been answered. With a huge sigh of relief we had questions about finances and provision answered, but we had new questions about where to live, who would be our friends, what opportunities would await, how will we be successful, and on and on and on.
  
  You know what…that’s life. We will never stop having questions until this life is over. We will always wonder about what comes next until the last thing happens…the event that immediately follows the end of life. So it’s okay to have questions. And to have more questions after the previous questions are answered. What really matters is that you get the most important matter resolved…the security of your soul. 
  
  God loves you very much…the essential you…the you that endures through adversity, that withstands the pains of life. He has provided hope for the eternity safety for your soul through Jesus. When your soul is secure, you can persevere, and you can grow even through difficult times. I hope that you know whether your soul is secure, and if you do not, I urge you to connect with me so I can share with you how you can know for sure.
  
  There are many, many things that I do not know about what comes tomorrow, or in the time ahead. However, I know that my soul is secure and that God is good. Every other answer that I learn is just another blessing along life’s journey.

• If we knew what God knows, we’d want what God wants. This is a proverb coined by my first pastor, Rick Ferguson. I just experienced it in a new way. If on the day I had been laid off, God had revealed himself in a burning shrub as I exited the building carrying out my office decor in boxes, told me to take off my dress shoes and meet with him…well, I would have.
  
  Imagine if God would have put me on my face and said, “Bryan, I’m going to use this upcoming season to strip you of all the things that have made you comfortable and complacent. I’m going to take away all the good things you have so you are available to receive the best things I have in store for you. I’m going to use this time ahead to make you more humble. I’m going to make you a better husband, father, and minister through this. I’m going to develop your passion for the hurting and the oppressed. I’m going to show you my love in new ways that you’ve not experienced in a long time, if ever. I’m going to turn your priorities upside down and lavish grace and mercy upon you. I’m going carry you and sustain you when you are weak and tired. I’m going to affirm you and empower you and assure you. I’m going to be your Lord and your God for every need. And…I’m going to provide a new place for you to use all these things that I’m giving to you in this season to so I can accomplish great things through you in plans you wouldn’t believe even if I went into even greater detail!”
  
  The fact is, God didn’t do that. But I believe all those things are true enough that he could have said them. And part of the beauty of living by faith is trusting in the invisible and daily seeing these invisible things being made real. I tell you sincerely that I want what God wants. My problems lie in the reality that I don’t know what God knows, and it is better that I don’t. However, as God graciously unfolds his plan before me, the best and wisest thing I can do is recognize that he is sharing his divine insight with me and building my faith as I go.
  
  
• Faith is both impossibly difficult and incredibly easy. Well, this has gotten much longer than I intended, and I’m resisting the urge to break this part up into smaller parts. If I haven’t lost you by now…thanks…and stay with me for this last point.
  
  Walking by faith is difficult because everything natural is opposed to it. My natural reaction is to respond to what I see, what I hear, what I think, or what I understand. My supernatural (faith) reaction is based solely on what God says…which often opposed by what I see, hear, think, or understand. This is the battle I waged in my spirit. And it was often difficult. I wanted at times to give up. I cried out to God and asked for him to end this season early. I can’t tell you how many times I said audibly, “I just don’t understand.” Walking by faith is difficult because it is impossible to do it with the natural resources we possess.

Nonetheless, we walked by faith through this season because it is all we know to do. I believe that God rescued my soul from hell back in 1992, when I called upon Jesus to accept God’s wrath on my behalf for my rebellion against him. I believe that Jesus is God and he paid my penalty in full. And because of that, I am fully accepted by God, and that my soul is secure. Because I am able to trust God with the safety of my soul, I am much more so able to trust him with the lesser matters in my life, such as my health, my life, my ministry, my salary, my possessions. Walking by faith is incredibly easy exactly because it is naturally impossible. Faith is an entirely supernatural experience. Every iota of my faith is a gift from God. I cannot manufacture it. God has birthed it, nurtured it, and in this season of adversity, he has grown it. The faith that carried me through the last fourteen months is the faith that I will return to and rely upon as we face the challenges and the unknowns that are ahead of us. 

There were times when my faith felt incredibly fragile, and times when it felt like was so big that it could move mountains. I’m not smart enough to know if my faith right now is small or big, weak or strong. I know my faith is the matter of God making real the things that I hope for based on his promises, and it is the evidence of what I cannot see. My faith is in the Christ…my God and my Savior.

No more bullet points of insights…but I close with perhaps the most fitting one of all….God works “hands on” in the messiness of life. I’m certain that more lessons are still to be discovered, possibly even more precious and important that what I’ve shared here. God never promised a pain-free, difficulty-void, adversity-proof life. In fact, he promised the opposite. But he also promised that he’d be with me through it all. And he has been. And he offers the same for you. I hope you know him in this way. I hope you have this type of relationship with him. Thanks for going with me through this journey. I’m here for you, too, to walk with you in whatever season you find yourself in as you have read this.

As I watch the videos of the Japanese Tsunami, I think about God’s role in these disasters. The arguments seem to be either “God is in control, so he made this happen,” or “God (the cosmic clockmaker) isn’t in control, so he’s not worth worshipping.”  One of the many shortcomings of us humans is that we tend toward dichotomic thinking. Black/white. Either/or. In doing this, we presume that only these two options are correct, that it cannot be somewhere in between…or somewhere completely outside of the two. I think God’s role in all this is exactly that…somewhere outside the two wrong arguments most commonly lobbied as the correct interpretation of God’s sovereignty amidst tragedy.

I believe God is sovereign. That means he is in control. So in this respect, God bears the responsibility for any (and every) event that we humans would call “bad,” “tragic,” or “disastrous.” And if we lived in an edenic/idyllic/perfect world, this would mean that God is exceedingly cruel and not at all good.  But we don’t live in a perfect world.

The fact is, we live in a sick and dying world. It’s a world that is destined for destruction, and is growing increasingly instable. It is characterized by an ever-increasing frequency of earthquakes, destructive winds, demolishing storms, eruptions, and devastating waters. Ours is a world that is obeying the laws of thermodynamics and moving rapidly toward a state of increasing physical disorder. It exists in a universe that is perpetually expanding toward disorganization, too.

If we can agree that the world is becoming increasing disorganized and instable, it’s appropriate to ask why this is so. A common hypothesis (that I think is wrong) is that the world is now as it always has been. I’m one of those people who think that there were two significant events that changed the world from its original conditions to the ones within which we currently exist. And both of those events are relevant to the current conversation. We’ll deal with the first event here.

I think the first event that changed the global environment is humanity’s original rebellion against God. Call it “the fall.” Blame Adam, blame Eve. Blame Satan. The world…according to the Bible…was created good, even perfect. God and humans enjoyed a close relationship. Humans were deceived, distrusted God and rebelled against him. The consequence of that rebellion was the eventual death of every person and, among other things, a curse upon the earth. It would be too simplistic to view this curse simply in “voodoo upon you” type concepts, because the eventual destruction of the earth is necessary for God’s ultimate act of redemption to be completed. When sin (rebellion) tainted the environment, it changed the entire environment from a utopian state into a dystopian one.

Jesus wasn’t at all conflicted by this. He acknowledged we live in a world governed by natural laws. He didn’t blame God.  In Luke 13, he spoke of a tower in Siloam fell, killing 18 people. We don’t know if it was a natural disaster or a man-made mistake. We we do know, is that Jesus went out of the way to say that the people weren’t victims expressly because they were in rebellion to God. That refutes the “cruel God” argument. In the very next sentence, though, Jesus says, “but unless you turn to God, you too will die!” His point is that everybody dies in a broken world, and the only hope for anyone is found through faith in God. Whether it’s by being crushed under a tower, swept away in a tsunami, or asleep in bed after a long, quiet life, death comes to every person….and every death is tragic. This refutes the “uncaring God” argument.

What really is at stake here as people try to reconcile God’s role in disaster is actually more about man than it is about God. The only way a person can lob accusations against God, suggesting that he is cruel or lazy, is if that person assumes that he sits in an authorized position of judgment (and therefore, judgment). I’m not saying we have no right to exercise genuine inquiry to ask “why?” But we have to have a right understanding about ourselves before we can ever hope to have a right understanding about God. If we think that we are by default good and in right standing with God, then it is fair that we speculate and hypothesize upon the reality of tragic calamities.

However, if we buy into what the Bible’s selling (and I do), that we are exist, by default, in a position of rebellion against and defiance to God, then the question changes. Now, instead of asking, “Why?” we should be asking “Why not?” If we are indeed a creation that is in total opposition to God, and we live on a realm that is barreling toward its total destruction, why wouldn’t there be regular, period, and an increasing number of upheavals? Indeed, if we live in a judged state of rebellion on a judged world of destruction, it makes sense that we would have to endure natural disasters on an increasing frequency. And with each one, we’d have little to no forewarning and each one may claim any unpredictable number of lives. 

Because of the utter impossibility to prevent or avoid these calamities, our only hope is to properly view the bigger picture with a correct perspective. This is why Jesus said, “repent now!” when talking about the Siloam tower. He got it (no big surprise, right?)…disasters will happen. Ultimately, death before reconciling with God is the biggest disaster. 

“Through the observation of scars, it is possible to know the darkest and deepest hideaways of the human soul. Every time we look at a scar we tend to wonder how they got them. I am attracted to the idea of surrounding myself with those stories.”
Sebastian Utreras

Is there such a thing as a non-fascinating scar story?

Even a story that would be otherwise mundane becomes interesting if a scar is involved.

Exhibit A:  

Regular story - Dude, I got a hangnail.

Scar story - Dude, I got a hangnail…and it ripped all the way down into my finger, leaving this nasty little scar.

See, more interesting because of the scar.

A few years back, I was on a flight where the man in the emergency door row wore an eye patch. As I passed him, I noticed a zigging scar peek from the bottom of the patch. As I made my way back to my cramped spot in 36D, right in front of the air toilet (meaning I’d have a flight full of awkward eye-contact with bladder-issue people waiting in line to do their business), I found myself inventing stories for the heroic pirate up in the emergency row. If anyone on my flight was an air marshall, it had to be this guy. And he was going for the “over the top” approach to throw off potential terrorists. He looked seasoned, battle-tested, and emotionless. This guy could make Jason Bourne look like a girl scout. He probably lost his eye liberating hostages from an obscure terrorist stronghold. With my own private Rambo on board, I wouldn’t have to devise my own way to save the plane (and, yes, I have actually done that — it involves a fire extinguisher, the phone provided in the back of the middle seat, and my Bible — don’t worry. I’m watching for the bad guys).

Anyway, I’d probably be disappointed to learn this guy is a sympathy card writer for Hallmark who’s wearing a patch to heal from a genetically-induced detached retina, and the scar was actually just a well-developed wrinkle.

My own scar stories are my “war tales” of life’s grand adventures. Here’s a sampling:

Exhibit B: A small cashew-shaped scar on my upper right hip. At five years old, I was at the park with friends as part of a day-care program. I was on the merry-go-round, hanging off the side. somehow, some vortex sucked me under, and proceed to treat me like a pebble in a blender. Amidst my screams for deliverance, I can still remember my friend Angel’s chilling peals of laughter, hollering “Faster teacher, go faster!” (I’m not bitter).

Exhibit C: A 1/3 inch (not that I’ve measured) downward-pointing triangle scar on the left side of my right pectoralis (near my sternum). At 12 years old, while swimming at a local pool, a younger boy approached me, and with an attitude that I now identify with demoniacal possession, stabbed me with his thumb nail. I bled profusely. They emptied the pool. The boy was never charged with assault.

Exhibit D: A 1 inch-by 2 inch oval scar on my right top of the wrist. Also obtained at 12 years. On a day of snow-mobiling, I mounted an innertube being pulled by my dad’s Arctic Cat (you have to say those words in a fast whisper to really appreciate they dynamic quality of the snow mobile). As I was being pulled, my hand slipped under the tube, and the flap of the glove folded up. As I was being pulled on a snowy county road, the dirt, snow and gravel chewed up my wrist. At the end of the ride, I saw the wound in painless fascination, as it was frozen. A nurse friend who was there, took me in and scrubbed it with a toothbrush to clean it. Rapid thawing occured during the procedure, bringing both the noise and the pain.

Exhibit E: On my left outer elbow, a cartoonish excamation point-shaped scar, obtained at 16 in football practice. A teammate, Benjie Berg, in between plays, in the spirit of frivolity, attempted to drive his helmet through my arm. The attempt failed. But I carry this life-long reminder of young Benjie’s industrious and never-give-up attitude.

Exhibit F: A series of small unusually shaped scars on the underside of the same wrist, and also at irregular locations on various fingers and knuckles of the right hand. Obtained at 19 years old. In my BC life, at a fraternity party, I punched through a double-paned window compelled by the dysfunctional logic that beating up a harmless window would make my point more vividly. Probably some essential display of the presence of testosterone in my system. Well, those crazy laws of physics held true and blood was spilled. I went to the emergency room to get cleaned up and stitched up. While there, I (very maturely) decided I was tired of waiting, so decided to go back home. I confidently walked out through the in door, and soon discovered I had no idea whatsoever where I was or how to get home. I had enough sense to elevate my hand above my heart, and was found about 30 minutes later wandering the streets of Denver looking at street signs with my hand raised above my head. I returned the next day to receive treatment, this time without a local anesthesia. The administering nurse took undue pleasure in my stupidity.

For every scar story I have, my brother has 5, and each one is better (sic) than mine. He’s got scars from bullet wounds, car wrecks, motorcycle vs. barbed-wired encounters, knife wounds, man vs. St. Patrick Day Parade Float encounter (guess who won), and so on. I don’t know that he’s any more proud of his than I am of mine, especially when extenuating factors are implicated.

The truth is, I bear no ‘scars of honor.’ I’ve never been wounded for sharing the gospel. I’ve never lost a limb for believing in Christ. I’ve never been attacked for telling the truth. All my scars do is testify to my flesh.

To get spiritual for just a moment, I believe that scars will be the only man-made thing in heaven. I believe Jesus will bear His scars for eternity. The Bible says (Revelation 5) declares that the one worthy to open the judgment scroll of God looks like a lamb as though slain. In the Old Testament, Isaiah speaks graphically on the wounds sustained by the Christ. Jesus, in His resurrected form, bears the wounds of the cross on his wrists before the apostles. I DO believe Jesus will be resurrected and glorious in heaven, but I believe His scars will be the eternal reminder of the depth and breadth of His love for us. And there will be no shame in His scar stories.

I knew about Him since my childhood, but did not believe in Him as my Savior and Lord until 1992, when confronted by the truth of the Gospel. Since then, He has been faithfully guiding my adventure of faith.

This is the best reproduction I could find of an image that has had particular significance for me since 1998, when I saw it for the first time.

Today, on “Good Friday,” I go back to it to reflect on the responsibility that I bear for murdering Jesus.

His murder took place approximately 190 centuries before I was born. I’m not Jewish, and I’m not Roman (or even Middle-European).

So why would I identify with this anyone in this picture? Obviously, it was created to convey the message that people today bear responsibility for this act done so long ago.

The Bible says a few things about this. First, it says that everyone in the crowd, when Rome’s occupying governor Pilate “washed his hands” of complicity for murdering the innocent man Jesus, cried out, “Let his blood be on us and our children! (Matthew 27:25)”

It’s not that they were calling down a curse upon themselves, but that they assumed responsibility for the action. They were so certain of the appropriateness of what they were doing that they were willing to assign responsibility to all the generations that followed them.

So what does that have to do with me?

Again, I go to the Bible for understanding.

There, I find:

• that there is no difference between Jew or Gentile (Romans 3:22, 10:10).
• that I offend God and rebel against him (Romans 3:23).
• that I don’t have anything in me on my own that loves God (Romans 7:18).

The logical, rational, human mind reasons that these offenses are still a far cry from picking up a hammer and driving the nails that pierced Jesus to the cross.

However, the Bible again identifies me as condemned:

• If I break one command, I am guilty of breaking the entire law. (James 1:18)
• Because I am guilty, I deserve punishment (Nahum 1:3)

So today is the day that I reflect upon my culpability in the events of Christ’s crucifixion.

I confess that I have rebelled against God. My confession is my statement of agreement with what God says about me and my conduct. That more times than I can count, I have done things, thought things, said things and perceived things against God. And every time I have done that, it is as though I had a hammer in hand and took the initiative to murder God. 

You see, that’s what you have to do in order to be in control of your own life. You have to murder God. And it seems absolutely silly to suggest that such a thing is possible. But if God’s authority is absolute and his sovereignty is complete, anything we do in independence of him or in defiance of him is tantamount to an attempted coup.

Today is an important day. It is the symbolic anniversary of the day that God allowed his creation to murder him. He did this voluntarily (1 John 3:16). I am part of God’s creation. I stand accused in the face of overwhelming evidence that convicts me.

I plead, “I am guilty.”

The Bible makes an audacious claim that if a person seeks God with all his heart, God will reveal himself to that person. That person, it is promised in Scripture, will certainly find God:

And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

So there’s the promise that you’ll find God if you are looking for Him, and the key is that you have to engage in the quest with all your heart.

That’s where there’s a problem

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9
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What is a sincere seeker to do, if the very tool he is to rely upon cannot be remotely trusted?

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