B-log

I’m taking a day alone with God today as part of my personal preparation for our church’s upcoming GROW weekend. I’m taking a bit of a mid-day break…not from God, but from the “experiential” part of it so I can record some of my thoughts, and refer back to them.

The day really started last night as I went to bed. As I tried to relax to fall asleep, I found my thoughts keep wandering back to what I would experience. In a lot of ways, I spend most my days with God, in the sense that I recognize that everything I do is because of his power, his strength, his guidance. However, there are certainly plenty of times that I walk in to a situation “on my own.” So as I was thinking about my DAWG (I’m not in love with this acronym, but it’s quicker for the typing), I was really looking forward to it with a sense of expectancy, but also fearful/humbled about the prospect of discovering what God would have in store for me.

So morning came after a good, dreamless night of sleep (as far as I can remember). I determined to see the family off before I started my DAWG. I didn’t “pray God in” as a welcome, because I believe that he’s here with me, all the time. He’s not in my presence, I’m in his presence. So I determined that I just needed to clear away my distractions and focus on him.

I began by opening my Bible and reading some Psalms. There’s no rationale for where I began. I believe I can open my Bible to any page and find God there. So I began reading in Psalm 145. Here is some of what stood out to me (my comments/reactions in italicized parentheses):

³You are wonderful, LORD, and you deserve all praise, because you are much greater than anyone can understand.

(I cannot understand your greatness, God.The greatness of your size, your power, your love. You are so far beyond me. Yet, the evidence of your intimate love and concern are all around me. I cannot deny you any more than I can deny my own existence. I am overwhelmed by you.)

⁵I will keep thinking about your marvelous glory and your mighty miracles.

(I take your miracles for granted. Every breath I breath is a miracle. The complexity required to translate the cogent thoughts in my head into electrical impulses firing through my body’s nervous system that command my fingers to strike the right keys on a keypad that communicate those thoughts in an articulated manner on a screen that can be read throughout the world…every part of this is birthed in you, and it is for you!)

⁸You are merciful, LORD! You are kind and patient and always loving.

(God, you show me show much mercy! I would have given up on me so long ago! You took my life’s biggest failure and replaced it with crowns adorned with diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. You took my futility and gave me purpose.)

⁹You are good to everyone, and you take care of all your creation.

(We have so much, but we behave like we are poor. We are under your care, but too often we act as though we’ve been neglected. I am rich in your goodness, and every care I have is under your control.)

¹³Your kingdom will never end, and you will rule forever. Our LORD, you keep your word and do everything you say.

(You have kept every promise you have made to me…ever. When my heart was broken, you comforted me. When I was beset by grief, you gave me hope. When I was poisoned by anger and bitterness, you gave me peace and compelled me to forgive. When I was dissatisfied, you fulfilled me. When I was accused, you defended me. When I despaired, you encouraged me. When I doubted, you affirmed me. When I was lost, you found me. YOU ARE REAL because I have experienced you, and I know you Jesus, as my Lord and my God.)

¹⁴When someone stumbles or falls, you give a helping hand.

(Sometimes I feel like such a spaz. I revisit the same crooked paths over and over. I think that the next time is the time I’ll make it on my own. Every time I try, I fail. Every time, you pick me up. I’d give up on me. I’d leave me there. You never do. Please, never leave me where I’ve fallen.)

¹⁷Our LORD, everything you do is kind and thoughtful,

(EVERYTHING you do is kind and thoughtful. I know I believe it even as I type it. It is just so incomprehensible to me. Each part alone is amazing beyond words. Then, together, it’s magnitude floors me. You move in small ways and huge ways…and every move you orchestrate is kind. And it is accomplished for your thoughtful purpose. I have seen you move people across this country in different generations, to bring people together in location and time so that a single person could be saved. I’ve seen you call out unremarkable people who are altogether forgettable and use them in extraordinary ways. Your methods are perfect and beyond reproach.)

¹⁸and you are near to everyone whose prayers are sincere.

(The simplicity of this truth is so precious to me. My opportunity to communicate with you is so priceless. I am changed in your presence. You fulfill me. My peace is not dependent upon your answers to my prayer. My peace is dependent upon your proximity! When you are close to me, I am whole. I desire you alone, God. I find sanctuary in your presence.)

¹⁹You satisfy the desires of all your worshipers, and you come to save them when they ask for help.

(You are the God who saves. I have witnessed you save…so many times I cannot count. You are so impartial…your love is completely unbiased. I have seen you resist only the proud, but rescue all others.)

²¹I will praise you, LORD, and everyone will respect your holy name forever.